How to Be with Whatever Comes Up and Is Presented

"There is a strong impulse to change a situation if it feels like it needs changing.

Perhaps someone says something.
Perhaps a situation makes us uncomfortable.
Perhaps we see how things could be improved and we believe that by initiating change that the thing will be better for another and for ourselves.
Perhaps we believe they will be better for the family, the community, the country or the planet.
Perhaps what arises in us is an emotion or a feeling of injustice. We feel anger or other emotions that will bring about a reaction. Such reactions are formed by habit or by personal beliefs, which are influenced, by experiences and people in our lives.

Sometimes our reactions can be strong and the impulse to make a change in the situation is overwhelming. The only way for us to feel comfortable or at peace is to say or do something; we cannot resist it. The reaction simply must be expressed, especially if they have the desired effect - that the discomfort is neutralised momentarily or even for a period of time, and we feel better.

However, far too often our reactive response is unskilful and may bring about changes to others or even our own lives that is not helpful or beneficial and we feel another tension arise, a second tension. We look at our lives and see these patterns and recognise habits of reactivity that were laid down a long time ago. We see the cycles where situations or people or our circumstance makes us feel so uncomfortable that again a strong impulse arises and we cannot help but initiate a change that we feel we want. Each time we react in similar ways to similar circumstances when we feel so uncomfortable, we deepen that habit and we endorse that reaction by responding the same way.

When we have had a moment when we realise such reactive habits and behaviours are not helpful or skilful we may wish to change them.

There is a process that helps to reset and bring about beneficial changes in our lives:

1. We recognise our reactive state and we acknowledge that they are not helpful.

2. We wish to change them, we wish to change habits and aspects of our personality. (This is common, most of us get to this place but find great difficulty in bringing about the changes).

A key aspect to bringing about change is not to enforce that change. This sounds counter-intuitive but it is the act of using the will forcefully in this way which is the same unhelpful and unskilful methods employed in the reactive state that we must change. It becomes an internal battle with the self and one that cannot be won this way. It will only cause more problematic habits of the same nature.

3. Once a pattern of unhelpful or unskilful reactivity in oneself is recognised – accept it.

4. Once accepted, observed and recognised the judgement of it is loosened and ultimately released.

5. The internal battle is now disarmed. Now, when a situation arises and it brings about the same familiar reactive pattern – practice not-doing, practice stillness. Use your energy and power and make a statement:

“This time I will remain silent and watch what happens.
I will do this without judging anybody, anything or any outcome.
This time I will simply watch the situation.”

6. This is a new practice and it will take some time and skill developing to install this new habit. It may not work at first, but with persistence, non-judgement, the use of you’re your intention and the power of your energy, you will grow in strength, integrity and wisdom. And the power of silence, internally and externally will bring about fortuitous changes."